Looked up some of my previous posts from when I referred to myself as The Philosophical Bastard. Below are some timeless lessons you should absorb:

You cannot have everything in this world. The rich are ugly, the handsome are stupid, the smart are poor. Those who seem to have everything die young.

There is no such thing as Halloween in the Philippines. Instead we call it “Araw ng Patay,” meaning Dawn of the Dead.

Women ask questions to convey commands. Example: when a woman asks “does this wall need to be repainted?” She actually means “You should repaint this wall now.”

Grammar Nazis are the type of people in desperate need of pussy. Video gamers come second.

Everything is debatable.

The most timeless line in 21st century Philippine cinema: Saging lang may puso! Saging lang ang may puso!

Who made it law for the ellipsis to be three dots? English isn’t math.

Misspellings aren’t the proper measure of non-intellect.

Westerners think this way: If you are not a first world citizen, then you must be a primate.

The Filipino is innately pikon.

A good complex system first began from a good simple system. Our government is fucked up. We should kill everyone and start from scratch.

Religion is like AIDS; once it happens, everything changes. And It can be acquired through anal sex.

The difference between an asshole with a coat and an asshole without a coat is the coat.

When Oprah said Krispy Kreme was the best donut in the world, she was fat.

A man lost will not ask for directions but will still pick up for sex.

Beware the cat that barks; it is a fox.

As a matriarchal society, there is no doubt in my mind that the first gay president will come from the Philippines.

On your 40th birthday, look up Sturgeon’s Law.

C*rl Oc*b is only 13, why dont you send him a meme.

Evil geniuses dont have to explain themselves; they only have to be figured out.